Feeling of Rs. 250

“250 Rupees for one night, is it fine with you?” bargained Rossa with a dark beast looking man, while putting a pinch of tobacco mingled with liquefied limestone underneath her lower lip. It smelt like a rotten peace of dead leaf.

“Ok, whatever you say. Now don’t waste my time,” replied dark man, while trying to fetch her close by grabbing her dark but slender arm. Rossa jerked his hand away and entered into room after him by keeping at least a forearm distance.

The bed was tatty and an odd odor rose from it. To really get a feel of it one should carry a special privilege to enter into the room. Bed clothing was crinkled and seemed, as though it had never been made. A small bulb lightened the small room and illumination rendered by it was such dim that the tiny stuff inside the room would almost go inconspicuous. A pillow was placed at the middle of the bed and another one on the cold floor. Rossa picked it the other one and threw it so carelessly on the bed as if doesn’t matter since in couple of minutes it would be again find at the floor. Dark man touched nothing inside the room, not even the door which he had left open after entering room and unquestionably, Rossa went back to close it.

Meanwhile, dark man began removing his shirt & trousers and signaled Rossa without even looking at her to take out her clothes as well. Rossa looked at him very carefully with grieved eyes and then took off her clothes. She stood as though a lifeless monument and waited for further instructions to be instructed. It felt that dark man had bought her for that night and she would serve her master’s every wish.

“Come over,” instructed the dark man. Rossa waited for a moment, perhaps polished her soul off with that instruction, and then followed master’s syllable like a doubtless slave and sat next to him with moist-less eyes. He squeezed her shoulders and bosoms, wildly kissed her face, and eventually snatched away the last traces of her clothes. She moaned a little which arose owing to precipitous hurt she felt due to the sudden abduction made by dark man. 

  After few moments of groaning with folded eyes Rossa tried to pull her away but that dark man pushed her on to bed with a thwack and came over. He threw pillow again on the floor from where it was picked up a couple of minutes ago. Rossa felt herself under loads of weight and fought for breathe like a fish away from water. She heard knuckling sound of her own weak bones under him and finally, with a shove she was only left with wide-open eyes, a deep moan and two steep lines of tears appeared from the corner of her deep painful eyes which streamed down into her black hairs and disappeared somewhere. Few moments later, she felt nothing, not even slight pain and turned into a dead body lying with folded eyes and waited to be identified by someone.

Night was intact when she opened her eyes and looked towards the closed door. She stood up, looked around, and found embraced currency notes lying on last traces of her clothes at the floor and dark man was nowhere. She felt very much pain and weakness though she collected all her strewed clothes; put them on even though for her they were nowhere. In her conception, she felt more naked than any time before, once again. Adjusted her dusted hairs and picked up Rs. 250 from the ground and shoved them inside her old ragged purse she walked out from the room. She looked around, all the contiguous rooms were locked seems everyone had left the place before the dawn could place a knock at the doors of their dark life. She placed her stole around the neck and headed as though trying to be invisible in the world of shameless eyes.

Rossa walked briskly until the main road and stopped a rickshaw by calling, “Rickshaw?” as if she wanted not to be heard by the god who was everywhere for everyone but nowhere for her. Rickshaw took her to a building, which seems as it stood at some hope, not at the base just like Rossa. Outer walls had forgotten its own color and even it was difficult for Rossa to name leftover shade, at some places even the years old plaster had worn to shreds and the reddish-yellow bricks could be seen as if speckles on tattered clothes of Rossa. She quickly glanced at the open windows of building only to witness the prevailed gloom in them. She took a sigh as if attempted to relax herself from pain and fear but of no use, she still had the same torment in her and evidently, she went inside.

She opened the door of her room very carefully and closed in the same manner so that no one could sense her arrival not even in the dreams. She directly went to her bed, lay down with crouched legs, and put a bed sheet to cover herself completely. With both hands she held her stomach as if the pain that she bore in her soul evoked to her stomach.

A knock appeared at her door and it brought her back from the sleep. She opened eyes as if just relinquished from a horrible nightmare. She looked around for a while by sitting on her bed and then slowly walked down to the door and opened it just to find a boy of almost 10 years in age stood outside wearing an underwear and shabby shirt.

He said, “Papa has asked for the rent. You gave words for today.”

Rossa left him there at the door and went back. She looked around and twisted towards the place where the holy god was sitting in a glass frame. She snaffled the frame and from its back withdrew the money, which she had left for her god to guard on her behalf in her absence. She counted all the currency notes, then went to her bed and took out the squeezed Rs. 250 from her purse. After putting the money together she again enumerated with swollen eyes. Finally, when the count matched with the required count she went back to door and handed over it to the child who waited for her to come up with the rent.

She closed the door, prepared a half cup of tea for herself, sat down next to the window, and looked outside into the street. She thought about the last night and tears oozed out into her dying eyes just like most mornings and she thanked the dark man who had spent a portion of his night with her and awarded her with Rs. 250 for her flesh. She again looked down into the street and found Mohan standing at the other side of muddy road looking at her. Mohan Kept looking at her with still eyes and after couple of more moments he walked away as if a stranger, with no gesture, with no smiles, with nothing, like other every morning.

By Rajveer Singh

Image : Courtesy to Google search.

Way Of My Acceptance...

12:30 PM I locked my system by just hitting two buttons simultaneously and stood up with empty stomach and heavy heart. Life was apparent as of no use, useless discussions, hopeless talks, and aimless days. Eyes were crawling for the death of last hope….it seems like nothing had left behind, only a barren land with stains of tears can be spotted from place to place. When the string of broken awful relation and love appears in front of eyes then only heart wished for the blindness.

The thoughts were running hard down like a tempest, my feet were running inversely proportional to that storm and without knowing, I had escorted myself from the building to the food court. I directly went to one of the several queues without taking glance of any menu, bought a lunch coupon and joined another queue for taking the lunch. Mind was fetching the whole concentration deep onto the broken feelings of life but somehow I managed to take that attention away from the heart and scatter it in the outside world. Now the eyes were looking at the all known faces around the food court, which were eccentric to me however, eyes were not resting on any particular face.

All beautiful faces out there were having all expressions.

Suddenly I caught a face that was looking sad a moment before, now it blossomed like a fresh rose and that was the touch of the advent of someone special for whom she was waiting so desperately with two plates of fried rice. Now that someone special slowly sneaked one chocolate into her hand to bribe her for the acceptance of his delay in appearance but she refused mischievously and then accepted suddenly with a naughty smile and this made that someone special to feel more special in this world.

Few yards away a middle age man was sitting alone with open lunch box and I was sure that it was cooked and packed by his wife because of the fondness that was appeared in his eyes when he opened it. Soon the people for whom he was waiting down with open Lunchbox joined that man and most were having lunchbox in their hands.

At the far end, there were two tables. Both were appearing deserted but they were not. Those tables were occupied by one guy and one girl respectively. Both were sitting alone on their own tables, there were no one to share the loneliness of their life and table both. The plates of food were waiting the table and spoons were entangled somewhere between the fingers and their faces were in dilemma of something which perhaps they didn’t even know. Only the loneliness was keeping their company.

Somewhere in the middle of the food court, few tables were joined together and a group of comparatively young faces were sitting and enjoying Pizza, Chinese, etc. Few were couples and few were stags however all were friends. Sound of loud laugh and teasing appearing from there and making me remember the similar days of mine. Freshness of smile on their faces and the gentle roughness in their talk, forcing many ears to turned down in their direction.
Meanwhile I caught a bunch of people standing in front of Menu boards and talking over the dishes, which were displayed there. Few couples were also there and most couples were not reaching the decision what to take for lunch, there were conflicts in the eating habits. Few just agreed without much tussle and few simply agreed to their companion’s choice without any question.
One housekeeping guy was mopping was floor where someone had poured the curry unknowingly and simultaneously few people walked up through the same place and by seeing this the housekeeping guy’s lips started fluttering but no sound appeared and he again started mopping the left over signs of shoes on the floor.
Finally I was ready with my plate of lunch and again looked around the food court was full. While holding my plate in both hands I started looking for the place to sit and finally I got one table where a middle age person was sitting alone and having his lunch in solace. I asked him, “Can I sit here?” He welcomed me with smile, “Yeah sure.” And I sat there on one chair out of three empty ones.

Now I looked at the queue in which I was standing for the lunch few seconds before and tried to look at me from the perspective wherein I was looking at everyone few moments before. This moment I realized that I was no different from the crowd I was part of it. My feelings, my emotions, my pain is no different from anyone in this world. There was no need to think this much about the pain I was suffering from. Everyone out there was having pain of some kind. Nothing was so big that I couldn’t bear up. Everyone was coping with their good and bad with their own why, some by accepting, some by compromising, some by adjusting, some by talking to themselves, some by surrendering, and some by winning over. So why can’t I stop my fighting with myself and looking out for the peace the way others seeking, maybe I would get it.
Suddenly the middle age person sitting in front of me said, “You are right…All things in this world are same the only difference you can experience is the way you feel it or we can say, the way you want to feel it.” I replied with amazement, “What?”
He replied, “I am done with mine…are you?” and left the table without any further word, I was seeing him walking down, and suddenly he disappeared in the crowd of common feelings.

Everything is common, nothing odd exists, and the only odd is the way of your acceptance in this world.

My Encounter With Love

What love is ….Don’t know and sometime even I don’t want to know. I always wonder why people fall in love. Why don’t they ever climb in love? These all questions are always ponder in my mind when I see couples roaming hands in hands; maybe I am lack in Love hormone but I don’t care about all this chemistry, I am happy with what I am, after all this is my entity. However, one day I came across one strange feeling, I never knew what it was however, It was something.
It was my college days and sometime I use to travel to my hometown via bus, that day I suddenly decided to go to my hometown so I called my friend to drop me at nearby bus stand. I reached there and bought ticket but it was around half an hour left for the bus to move so I took seat at common bench, where already a Pretty girl was sitting and having conversation on mobile with someone. First, I thought if mobile was not there then what these girls used to do. How they would carry their affairs so efficiently? In those days, I had no cell phone as I had never come across the need of it, even today, I don’t use my cell phone much. Therefore, as I was sharing that common bench with that pretty girl and I had nothing to do, hence I started giving my ears to her conversation on phone, but didn’t get much so finally I stood up and suddenly my vision grasp her beautiful face, it was looking pale and sad however still beautiful. I moved out from Bus stand, light up one cigarette and my mind keep on start giving thoughts to her. I thought why she was so sad…what happened to her and normally girls don’t used to travel by late evening buses. Then why she had planned to travel…or maybe it was a sudden plan, with every puff a new thought was taking birth and trying to figure out her problem. I had finished my cigarette and moved back inside the bus stand. I checked my watch it was 10 minutes left so I walked inside my bus, I was looking for my seat and suddenly I found the same girl there and even my seat was adjacent to her so took my seat and gave her a friendly look but in return I had got no reaction but I could see tears in her eyes those were ready to roll out but somehow she was holding on them.
It was so sad to see tears in such beautiful eyes. I decided to take some other seat as I could feel that she was not going to be comfortable with me however, the bus was full and I had to sit next to her. She was keep playing with her cell phone with anxiety. She was reading each SMS that she had in her cell and the amazing thing was that that all those SMSs were from one person named ”Raj”. With each SMS, she was looking sadder; her tears were resting at the eyelashes. However, she was keep reading those SMSs. Her head was down and her eyes were on mobile and soon bus started moving and with that, hers tears too. I was totally astonished that why she was crying for someone who really don’t care about her, that was my perception at that point of time. Is she insane or that Boy Raj? However, one thing was true that she was in love with him and not only in love with him but in deep love with him. I could have easily understood that a terrible breakup had happened and she was not in situation to hold on. I was not able to understand her. I was keep asking myself how a person can love someone like this. How a month old or a year old relationship can be so strong that you can’t stand without it. As I had never been in such relationship, so it was impossible for me to understand her feeling but I was really feeling so bad about her.
As I moved out from my thought, I found that she was looking out from window and allowing the cool breeze to soothe her soul but still the tears and their marks were there, I knew that she had lot more things to say but she had no one at that time to share. I wanted to talk but I didn’t dare to disturb her as she was already drowning into her own ocean of tears. She again took her mobile and started reading old SMs from Raj and with every SMS she was getting more pathetic and finally she started sobbing and I unknowingly put her head on my shoulder, I could guess that she was almost unconscious about what she was doing but I didn’t mind as she was sobbing. I let her cry on my shoulder, finally she fall asleep on my shoulder, and I did not move it. However, I could see her face clearly and the marks of tears on her cheek. She was sleeping and in my mind, only one word was roaming i.e. “HOW”. How a girl can be so badly in love that she forget to understand everything else. How someone can love this much that they can’t hold on without them? There were so many “HOW” and “WHY” running in my head and finally I came across the thought of Famous “Meera Bai” that how she was mad in love with “Krishna”, it was unconditional Love. Now I could understand why this girl was so much mad in Love with RAJ because it was unconditional Love. A love with no desire, A love with no demand, A love with no limits, A love with no cause, A love with no Age. Was it the same love? I didn’t know but one thing I knew that I had never ever be able to love someone like this. That day I felt that not every person born with the Feeling of True LOVE, it is only awarded to some people in this World.
Finally the bus reached my destination and with jerk she woke up and suddenly said, “I am sorry”
I replied, “No..It’s OK however I want to thank you for all those things which you taught me in this journey and this would be my most memorable journey”
She asked, “Why?” and I replied with smile and walked out from the bus. She was keep looking at me until I disappeared in the darkness of night but that night I came across the truth of life and humanity.
It was new beginning for me, it was not exactly night in fact it was real morning in my life …I had figured out what true love is?
It is not always between a man and Woman it is always between hearts. Always keep your heart Open for LOVE because you never know when it would render a knock on your doorstep.

Idiot Mind...Smart Heart

What should I call myself - a traveler or an address-less traveler?
I never understood this, not even today. Meeting with forgotten and blur faces on many unknown way to some destination I curse myself for not being able to look into their eyes as somewhere inside my heart I hold myself responsible of burying them in the graveyard. On a Friday, again, I met one of such buried face, who I never wanted to see. Not because I hate that face but I couldn’t stand the beauty of it. A time was there when I was in Love with her. Although, today, I don’t know whether I still love her or it’s just a retaliation of my mind to heart. No matter, what it is, I just feel concern about the feeling, which I couldn’t fully understand in all that time.
Surely it was something else - no hatred, no fondness, just something else.

"Raj, look at her glowing face, she is still the same after 2 long years.” said Heart in amazement filled with fondness.

“No buddy, it’s a buried story and let it be like that only. Why do you want to re-open a book from the past?” argued Mind.
“There is nothing wrong in looking back. Don’t you see it was awesome?” Heart proceeded while looking at her blue eyes.
“Yeah it was awesome, but now it is not. Right now, you are relishing her beauty but I know you very well, you will cry in solace for those ‘AWESOME’ moments and at that time I won’t help you... mind it?” Mind warned.
“Dude, why are you so afraid? Why can’t you enjoy this moment? And by the way, who knows about future?” replied Heart.
“I don’t know about future but I can predict it on the basis of your moron acts…don’t you forget what happened 2 years back, and you still wish the same to happen again.” Mind shouted.
“Chill buddy…nothing is going to happen, everything will be alright.” replied Heart in calm.
“Don’t try to make fool of yours and mine both. These are the same word I heard two years back. Now Listen, if you won’t stop looking at her, I will make the eyes to look in some other direction. So, concentrate on lunch and leave this place as soon as possible.” Mind threatened.
“Ok boss, as you wish. You never listen to me.” said Heart in disappointment.
“I can say exactly same for you.” Mind replied instantly.
Finally, I began eating my lunch. Mind and heart both went silent, no tricks happened but suddenly Heart tried to steal eyes from food to direct them in her direction. Soon Mind caught the theft of Heart and yelled, “Can’t you understand a simple logical and practical thing.”
“O.k. …Sorry…Sorry… again it will not occur.” said Heart sheepishly.
Couple of minutes later heart initiated, “Why do you hate her?”
Mind looked down at heart and replied, “I don’t hate her buddy….I just can’t love her anymore.”
“Are you sure?” asked Heart.
“Umm…can’t say confidently but yes I think I can’t.” answered mind.
Heart started laughing, “Woow….Woow…..you are talking confuse ….Mind you are talking confuse…What happened to you?”
“I can’t love her anymore …that’s it…now happy?” Mind quickly took a defensive stand.
“I agree if you say so.” said Heart teasingly and continued, “but then why you have her memories in your first slot?”
“It’s just because of you …you never allowed me to delete those worthless memories.” clarified Mind.
“Oh yes, but why you always refresh them, why don’t you make them blur since you don’t need any permission to blur them, do you?” replied Heart in investigative manner.
“Ammm….Umm….I don’t refresh them …I just always do a favor to you …so that you could still enjoy those ‘AWESOME’ moments” answered Mind hesitantly.
Heart took the commanding position and stated, “Now don’t try to make me fool.”
Mind realized that Heart had caught it and now it had to surrender else Heart would capture whole system. Mind confessed, “Ok….I admit to this fact that I still like her somewhere in my memory."
Heart roared, “Hrurrururr”
Mind asked, “Now what….o.k.…I admit to the fact that I still love her but what we can do…there is nothing left to do.”
Heart opened the box of philosophy and said, “Look buddy, we are the same, just different faces of single man.” It continued, “If you love her, if I love her, then what’s the problem …let’s give one more chance to fate and life and who knows about the future …may be it is waiting for us.” they looked into the direction where she was sitting but now she disappeared.
Heart yelled, “See…..just because of you we lost her…what a moron you are?” Eventually, I finished my lunch, gave smile to these two idiot organs of mine, and rushed outside the food court with new hope.

By Rajveer