Mumbai Dreams

It has been more than two and half years since I came to Mumbai. Never to live in Mumbai was my wish and it didn't get granted. I have had to come to Mumbai living my good life of Pune. Career is a strong word and I hold it responsible for me living in Mumbai. I have been a low key man, always lived in small towns and thought of Mumbai left me scared and pitiful. I used to sit on middle or last benches in school. Neither had friends nor was an apple in the eyes of teachers. To sustain my claim, let me present a fact before everyone – I never won any sort of award or recognition either in school or in college. Besides, in my career, so far I haven’t been recognized for anything I did. Perhaps to the world I have been an invisible man. I also never had any good relationship, as a matter of fact.

I have been always told that I am wrong in whatever I do or perceive. I was more suspicious of my own actions and thoughts than others. For such a person coming and lasting in Mumbai is similar to walking on a thin line that could snap you out any moment.

Job was good and they offered package I couldn't refuse, also the organization is one of the top in the world. Besides, a secret dream was nourishing in me. A dream of becoming a serious and celebrated writer, perhaps due to the longing urge of being acknowledged and accepted in this whole wide world. I had been a good liar for considerable part of my life. I could draw false stories to cover myself at the blink of an eye and listeners wouldn't even suspect me for a bit. That a person has to be a good liar to become a good writer, I realized it late.

I always heard of good and best thing about Mumbai. It’s the land of opportunities for those who dare to dream, it’s a land of money those who dare to earn, it’s a land of dream those who don’t have their own, it’s a land which has everything a man could ever wish for. Power, money, love, life – you name all good things and they are synonyms of Mumbai. On the contrary, I believed that the flip side of Mumbai is as horrible as beautiful it is. I wasn’t wrong – yes, Mumbai has best and worst surviving together just round the corner and it takes a special eye to discern.

The first thing I found in Mumbai is money, enough for me to live and feel secure. Mumbai gave me the most important thing a man is always in need for, Confidence. Yes, I found my confidence in Mumbai. I learnt many things. Its due this mystery city I learnt how to chase ones dream. With every going by day, it made me capable man. With time my fear for Mumbai simmer down.

While living here, I went through lot of thoughts and one of that thought was to abandon my dream of becoming writer. I have almost decided to not to pursue it further and just then, they mystery city played it magic trick. I was visiting Times literary carnival and there accidently I met Kiran Desai, one of the most celebrated writer.

“Are you a writer?” She asked.

For a moment, I had no idea how to answer this only sensible question of my life to her. I felt, as though, she had grabbed the hand of a descending man and asked, do you want to live.

I want to live I answered her.

“Yes, but a struggling one.”

“Don’t worry, struggle is very important part of writing world. You will be a writer one day.”

The very day I resumed my abandoned writing.

Sometimes, I feel anger on Mumbai for playing with my sentiments. It was this sleazy city that pushed me to a limit where I lost my hope of becoming a writer and the very next day, yes, the very next day it brought that hope back as if this city is my mother.

Eventually I have had my first novel published “Destined Lives – Journey till the Start”.

This city has presented me everything when I expected nothing but anger and despair. I tried to achieve love or a relationship for years and I never found it. While in Mumbai, I lost hope for it as well but then there she was, in Mumbai, waiting for me to meet her. I found my best relationship here, and for it, again I owe to Mumbai. To understand and have relationship with a man like me takes a whole lot of effort. Most girls cannot stand a man like me but she devoted her love to me. Sometimes I wonder, why did she do it, but then I get realized that this very question is irrelevant.

My life has changed in city for good, or is it just a mere illusion. I don’t know, perhaps it is.

Mumbai not only changed my life but it changed me altogether. Over the time, it made me insensitive. I realized that I have been losing my emotion and feelings while my time in this city. I grew more disconnected with the people I used to love and care for. My view towards practical life, which most people live including me has got changed. I become a man with less emotion and sensitiveness. The more my anger magnified, in this city, lesser the love I felt for life. My attachment with things began turning into detachment. Perhaps, this wonderful but mystery land had fueled my hunger and to be precise hunger is not good for humans.

My hunger to become something, my hunger to be an achiever not followers has begun taking toll on me. Everything but my hunger lost priority in life. My life has turned into single point agenda where no logic, no argument, no discussion could yield anything. I have become a gambler who has put everything on stake including own life for this biggest bet of accomplishing the hunger. I have found myself ready to lose everything if not able to achieve what I want to achieve. Some call it suicidal yearning.

Then, I began looking around, and caught the illusion of Mumbai. It is not a city but a spell. A dream is nothing but a spell or magic where everything seems possible, likewise when you come to this city and try becoming its part it brought you under its spell and then for people with dreams it becomes impossible to get out or leave.

Every day millions of people start their day in this city to achieve something and for that they do whatever it takes. Instead of leading peaceful life they bring in turbulence to a level where the word peace itself finds it impossible to exist. Day in Day out, people run in this city for something they call dream and put their life on stake. Sometimes, I think that no one is living here, everyone is just living to die and they want to die in a way that they couldn’t even realize it. Such a beautiful death. No time for realization, no time to feel pain, no time to have regrets. A simple death, like you never lived.

Though, I will live in this spell and lead life towards death where realization holds no value and achievement is the ultimate reward.

Image : Google search courtesy