Clamor of wheels on railway lines could be so peaceful to once heart I had never realized it until then. It was a cold hazy morning of late December and I entered the train to begin my journey.
Yes, I had a ticket and there was some destination spelt on it, perhaps it’s the last station of that train itself. Though the watch indicated early morning hour but outside it seemed as though the cold barren night was still young enough to hold its territory for little longer. It was a very small train station and the only place that had some visibility was right outside the station-master office where a yellow bulb dangling in hope of surviving another cruel dark cold night. When I arrived I asked the station master, “Is train on time?” who stood with a long and heavy torch in his right hand outside his office and waiting for the train to arrive.
“Yes, the train is on time.” he answered, without looking at me.
“Hey, show me your ticket.” When I began to walk away he called. I was little annoyed by his cry. It seemed insulting and accusing. With sneer, I gave him the ticket to his satisfaction.
After a quick glance he returned it saying, “Go to the far right corner of the platform, your bogie will arrive there.”
By bowing head a little in acknowledgement and gratitude I walked away with my bag in the direction he pointed out. The last thing I remember was a fresh smile on his sleepy face.
When train came to halt I pushed the door open and entered into bogie. Darkness engulfed all the compartments behind the curtains and lonely forsaken corridor had a couple of lights showing way to passengers who were getting in and out. I knew my berth number from the ticket- it was side-lower. After placing bag under the berth I sat down in darkness at the allocated berth and began desperately waiting for train to leave the station. Yes, there was something I was running from or perhaps wanted to leave everything where it belonged to.
Soon the clanking sound mingled with my thoughts as though it belonged to me. Or perhaps, I was trying to hide myself from those thoughts behind that mechanical sound. Nevertheless, it helped to end the commotion of thoughts and fetched me far into conscious-less slumber.
My consciousness was brought back by strange warmth on my cold feet. I opened eyes, and found a woman wrapped in shawl sitting next to my feet and sipping tea. For a moment, I felt Sneha was sat there who had warmed my cold feet and reassured that everything was all right, nothing had changed; we are still together like we had been for 7 years. Compartment was bright with light, the mild sun has enshrouded that part of the earth and night was eventually conquered by its courage. Quickly I fetched my legs back and sat down upright. She smiled at me, as if inquiring about something and I smiled back to reassure that she could sit there as long as she wishes to.
Soon I bought a cup of tea from tea seller and turned toward the window. My eyes fell on parallel railway tracks. They appeared as though they too were proceeding, trying to keep up the company with train that was all alone and flowing endlessly in a direction it doesn’t know itself, to meet the end. They said nothing, urged nothing, only wished to be with train no matter what would be the situation or destination. An altruistic act of living ones destiny and moving along to an unknown destination for the sake of loved one. At certain points these parallel tracks entangle complexly or twist un-resolvedly so that the train could be directed for its destination which it itself isn’t aware of.
Couldn’t help but I presume that those tracks were my company – a company for a company less traveler who had been destined to travel lonely through his life. Its silent undemanding company felt like a favor to me, and I myself, nothing but a beggar, readily accepted it whole heartedly. Said nothing, asked nothing, but still travelled with each other. Thinking of her being at my side in my good and bad, she never demanded anything more than my honest silence. It was our language of communication. Through my eyes she always understood everything, even things which I couldn’t bring in to my eyes. She was sole witness of everything I have been. A blessing she was, everyone seeks in his life, a kind companionship everyone wishes for.
These parallel railway tracks proved same to me in that journey and then a point has reached where I have to say goodbye to them. Yes, a goodbye, but then also they said nothing or even tried to stop me from parting. I was filled with sadness and yes they too, had they have heart. Perhaps they have a little honest heart too.
However, my journey didn’t end there. I travelled on my feet from that tiny old train station toward the end of the land to touch mighty ocean which in itself absorb everything. But, I wasn’t sure if it would be able to absorb my turmoil into her. Stood at the shore I watched the horizon where the mighty ocean was taking in the hot Sun in her, assuring that she would also take my turmoil and settle it somewhere at the unknown depth. I opened the brass container looked inside. It contained her ashes and now the time had come when those ashes had to leave me and meet the unknown depth and unthinkable peace. I inclined mouth of the brass container and allowed her ashes to fall and meet the ocean. With it, the unstoppable tears which I have carried with me in that journey also cascaded and I felt as though life within me has begun leaving me and at any moment ground beneath my feet was ready to disappear.
