Letter to Her

Dearest My Perfect Half,

My heart goes for you. I feel emptiness inside and every moment as I try to accept it as my destiny. I always believed that I have not loved you but that’s not the truth. Truth is, unknowingly, I have loved you, and I loved your company more than most of the things I have ever loved in my life. I miss your company, I miss the name you gave me and the voice and fondness in which you would call those names. How have we been brought to this point in life, I know very well. And, now when I look back I believe I should have listened to the voice I often used to hear. A voice with no noise, only true messages.

I don’t know if you are aware that I am a lost soul who once belonged to different worlds. Love was never easy for me to accept, what I have accepted in life was sorrow. Sorrow is what I always believed would be my companion. At times, I believed, being with sorrow is the part of happiness I can lay my claim over. Now when I recall, I feel your company as though a sweet dream which I have seen many times with open eyes.  They were the times I like to recall, to tell myself that you are the lucky one whom someone had loved truly. I had the strength though I behaved coward. The truth in my feelings was perhaps not that great and that’s the reason tears had also left me alone. Despite of my wish I can’t shed a tear and unburden myself from the burden I feel upon my heart every moment.

At times I used to allege that love is a punishment for a special crime one must have committed mistakenly. Perhaps I was true in my saying and it’s my punishment to be in love.  My sorrow bleeds and asks for a comfort that comes from you, and I, like a tyrant dismisses such plea ruthlessly to let it bleed further. More the pain grows in me more the love I feel for you.

Now I proclaim that I was never besieged by your beauty, was never fallen for the color of your skin, was never amused by your smile, was never taken aback by your lovely way of walking, was never spell bound by your magical eyes. However, the love in you for me had brought me on my knees. Yes, now I know what have I been looking for all my life when it is gone and destiny is again sealed for not to open its door again for me.

With Love,

Who Can't be anyone's

Who Divided India ...

Lok Sabha elections are close and everyone is talking about which party will form the government. Political corridors are abuzz with the schemes and plans for getting into majority forming government. Earlier, there were NDA and UPA, but now one more front has come in light – the third front.

Is it wise to have a third front?

Already, have they not divided us enough?

Are we not weak enough?

In what ways, it is good for a country as complex as India?

From where I see and most political pundits see, the upcoming government would be one of the weakest in the history of Independent India. And, this election is only good for those who have always dreamt of inducing some weight in every decision taken by government. The political history of India has never had a chance of attaining glory and how that could be? Even, in the times before independence it was motivated by the division of caste, religion, and regions. Political leaders have always looked to leverage these divisions and never wished to unite people and they succeeded in performing so. Most political parties are trying to lure the Muslim community, by calling them minority and promising to shower privileges.

Are Muslims really minority in a country where the population of Muslims larger than Pakistan, which is a sovereign Muslim country?

India has the largest population of Muslims in South Asia and I am failing to understand that on what basis they call Muslims a minority. As far as my knowledge goes their population is larger than any other religious people in India, except Hindus. Christians are far less in population as compared to Muslims and on that very ground they should be tagged as minority and given (or promised) far more privileges than Muslims. But that is not happening and the only motive behind this duplicity is the vote bank.

Political leaders very well understand the fact that without the Muslim support no government can see a sunset in Delhi. And, that’s the reason why they have been playing the cards of Muslim Minority. It is the politics of division not joining together. No Political leader is working for the amelioration of India. Since independence, had they all been working for amelioration of India and uniting people of this large democracy, the face of this country would have been far gorgeous.

No one is worst in India than the people of Political class. Take example of UP politics, it is entirely based on caste and religion. There are so many pockets where no leader with liberal thinking could win an election except he talks on behalf of any particular religion or caste. Leaders, those who made their political career based on caste or religion are still walking on that lane, they are reluctant to change the lane and enter into main stream and still they dream about becoming head of the state lead the country, is it possible?

Politics in Jammu & Kashmir is based on separatism and religion. Any naive can say that whatever is happening in Andhra Pradesh is nothing to do with people sentiments but politics of separatism for personal gains. Leaders of this country wear glasses of religion not nationalism. They see everything from the religious sentiment point of view and if that’s so important, and the two major religion of this very country can’t live in unity and harmony then it is not at all foolish to say that this country again needs a partition. And, not just once but several times. First, in the name of religion, second, in the name of Caste, third, in the name of region, and fourth, in the name of difference in culture.

65 years of independence and we are still struggling to find land for our feet, isn't it shameful? Yes, It can be termed as shameful at international forum but who cares, after all personal gain takes precedence over anything or everything that has anything to do with the country. No riots ever in this country were set out by the general public. There have been set of people who had political agendas and were instigated by political or religious parties and despite the very strong judicial system of India hardly any schemer, political leader or religious leader have been punished. The public is the victim of these rights and the very word victim is losing is association with sympathy or empathy since, now such riots and destruction has become thing of daily life and hardly anyone has time to think over such issues.

The very middle-class is the worst victim; since they are the people who are doing hard work, day in day out and earn money so that tomorrow government would lay its dirty hands on their hard earn money in the name of hundreds of taxes. No Religion, no class, no caste comes to pay taxes. It is the very middle-class of this country who has nothing to do with religion or division, who just want to survive and wishes to create better future for upcoming generation pays heavy taxes and work like asses. No government comes with any scheme for such hardworking class of people, who are the bread-earner if not the grower of this country. In the name of subsidy whatever they get, the very selfish, corrupt and immoral government takes away far more than that.

In this very country the silent bread-earners are not well taken care of, but the very lousy, immoral, corrupt and conservative people are given all sort of privileges, perhaps because they have big mouth to eat and to cry out. And, that is the reason most middle-class people nurture a dream of going abroad to never come back. The best example is IT professionals. The impotent political class has no ideology it is based upon, what it has is a hunger for wealth and personal gain. If British had coined the policy of divide and rule then the present political class has mastered it.

Image : Google search courtesy

Mumbai Dreams

It has been more than two and half years since I came to Mumbai. Never to live in Mumbai was my wish and it didn't get granted. I have had to come to Mumbai living my good life of Pune. Career is a strong word and I hold it responsible for me living in Mumbai. I have been a low key man, always lived in small towns and thought of Mumbai left me scared and pitiful. I used to sit on middle or last benches in school. Neither had friends nor was an apple in the eyes of teachers. To sustain my claim, let me present a fact before everyone – I never won any sort of award or recognition either in school or in college. Besides, in my career, so far I haven’t been recognized for anything I did. Perhaps to the world I have been an invisible man. I also never had any good relationship, as a matter of fact.

I have been always told that I am wrong in whatever I do or perceive. I was more suspicious of my own actions and thoughts than others. For such a person coming and lasting in Mumbai is similar to walking on a thin line that could snap you out any moment.

Job was good and they offered package I couldn't refuse, also the organization is one of the top in the world. Besides, a secret dream was nourishing in me. A dream of becoming a serious and celebrated writer, perhaps due to the longing urge of being acknowledged and accepted in this whole wide world. I had been a good liar for considerable part of my life. I could draw false stories to cover myself at the blink of an eye and listeners wouldn't even suspect me for a bit. That a person has to be a good liar to become a good writer, I realized it late.

I always heard of good and best thing about Mumbai. It’s the land of opportunities for those who dare to dream, it’s a land of money those who dare to earn, it’s a land of dream those who don’t have their own, it’s a land which has everything a man could ever wish for. Power, money, love, life – you name all good things and they are synonyms of Mumbai. On the contrary, I believed that the flip side of Mumbai is as horrible as beautiful it is. I wasn’t wrong – yes, Mumbai has best and worst surviving together just round the corner and it takes a special eye to discern.

The first thing I found in Mumbai is money, enough for me to live and feel secure. Mumbai gave me the most important thing a man is always in need for, Confidence. Yes, I found my confidence in Mumbai. I learnt many things. Its due this mystery city I learnt how to chase ones dream. With every going by day, it made me capable man. With time my fear for Mumbai simmer down.

While living here, I went through lot of thoughts and one of that thought was to abandon my dream of becoming writer. I have almost decided to not to pursue it further and just then, they mystery city played it magic trick. I was visiting Times literary carnival and there accidently I met Kiran Desai, one of the most celebrated writer.

“Are you a writer?” She asked.

For a moment, I had no idea how to answer this only sensible question of my life to her. I felt, as though, she had grabbed the hand of a descending man and asked, do you want to live.

I want to live I answered her.

“Yes, but a struggling one.”

“Don’t worry, struggle is very important part of writing world. You will be a writer one day.”

The very day I resumed my abandoned writing.

Sometimes, I feel anger on Mumbai for playing with my sentiments. It was this sleazy city that pushed me to a limit where I lost my hope of becoming a writer and the very next day, yes, the very next day it brought that hope back as if this city is my mother.

Eventually I have had my first novel published “Destined Lives – Journey till the Start”.

This city has presented me everything when I expected nothing but anger and despair. I tried to achieve love or a relationship for years and I never found it. While in Mumbai, I lost hope for it as well but then there she was, in Mumbai, waiting for me to meet her. I found my best relationship here, and for it, again I owe to Mumbai. To understand and have relationship with a man like me takes a whole lot of effort. Most girls cannot stand a man like me but she devoted her love to me. Sometimes I wonder, why did she do it, but then I get realized that this very question is irrelevant.

My life has changed in city for good, or is it just a mere illusion. I don’t know, perhaps it is.

Mumbai not only changed my life but it changed me altogether. Over the time, it made me insensitive. I realized that I have been losing my emotion and feelings while my time in this city. I grew more disconnected with the people I used to love and care for. My view towards practical life, which most people live including me has got changed. I become a man with less emotion and sensitiveness. The more my anger magnified, in this city, lesser the love I felt for life. My attachment with things began turning into detachment. Perhaps, this wonderful but mystery land had fueled my hunger and to be precise hunger is not good for humans.

My hunger to become something, my hunger to be an achiever not followers has begun taking toll on me. Everything but my hunger lost priority in life. My life has turned into single point agenda where no logic, no argument, no discussion could yield anything. I have become a gambler who has put everything on stake including own life for this biggest bet of accomplishing the hunger. I have found myself ready to lose everything if not able to achieve what I want to achieve. Some call it suicidal yearning.

Then, I began looking around, and caught the illusion of Mumbai. It is not a city but a spell. A dream is nothing but a spell or magic where everything seems possible, likewise when you come to this city and try becoming its part it brought you under its spell and then for people with dreams it becomes impossible to get out or leave.

Every day millions of people start their day in this city to achieve something and for that they do whatever it takes. Instead of leading peaceful life they bring in turbulence to a level where the word peace itself finds it impossible to exist. Day in Day out, people run in this city for something they call dream and put their life on stake. Sometimes, I think that no one is living here, everyone is just living to die and they want to die in a way that they couldn’t even realize it. Such a beautiful death. No time for realization, no time to feel pain, no time to have regrets. A simple death, like you never lived.

Though, I will live in this spell and lead life towards death where realization holds no value and achievement is the ultimate reward.

Image : Google search courtesy